Succession Plan

Seven months now after the birth of my son, and my wife informed me that she has her systems are back in order, to mean that she now runs the risk of falling pregnant again if she doesn't take care. This is something she is very wary of, as she wants to give the very best to her first born son before she can even contemplate an addition. Furthermore, she seems to say, the memory of the agony of maternity is still fresh in her mind. Now a famous joke has it that a woman has to forget the pain of chirdbirth, before she can ever get herself pregnant again.
Unconsciously of course, this talk of pregnancy-proneness has brought to my mind thoughts of younger siblings to James, a succession plan if you will. This issue puts me in a fix because on one hand I want some to really father James as a baby. This, of course will be extremely hard if he has younger siblings competing for my attention. On the other hand, I desire for James to grow up with the other kids around him, to develop social skills and grow a sanguine personality in him. These are very vital skills for me. I, for one, grew up in a home without other young kids, and I really had a hard time later developing social skills. I guess if I wasn't ready, I'd still be in my shell. I want James to grow up with siblings so that he can learn to share, and so he doesn't acquire the unwarranted feelings of specialness in himself.
I am therefore using quantitative methods to try to determine at what point to introduce a sibling for James. This is trick as it is no entirely within my control

The joys - and pains - of fathering.

Being a boy's dad was one of my longest - and quietly held dreams. Quietly because it would have been considered unmanly to be dreaming of babies, only women do that. Today, as I hold my son in my hands, my heart is filled with joy. As I look at him, I know that for sure I have contributed to the improvement of the species. This is a great source of joy for me. I see in an improvement of myself. He has, for example, a smile I never had. He looks contented, a well-loved kid, which I never was. For my own father was an adventurer who passed by our town, did a miracle there, and moved on. I never knew love in my early life. It gives me much joy then, to have the chance to love my son. Being a well loved and accepted child, James is naturally also highly confident and energetic. He is a picture a vitality, which gives me immense joy.
There is the joy of having a gene-bearer to the next generation. I know that with James, I have a chance of having eternal life here on earth, through a long line of descendants.
Then there is the joy of having a very young friend, who has a very refreshing perspective, though unsaid as yet. I endeavor to make James a very special friend of mine. A son offers a very unique type of friendship, given that there are things you can only share with a son.
Pain is the other side of the coin of joy. Take for example, the possibility that James is not really my son. I never doubt him, I live by faith, yet what if I didn't have a gene-bearer? What if I invested so much effort in another man's son? These are fears that haunt men, though very subconsciously, for we cannot bear to face them. I banish them when I look at James, and know that he is my son, my prince, my heir.
What if after all my effort, James never turns out as envisioned. He would be a disgrace, yes, but as long as he can reproduce, I have no qualms. I realize that he has his own life to exploit.
What I know for sure, fatherhood has been a great source of joy of in my life. The joy outweighs the pain tenford, if not hundredford. Fathering James, when all is said and done, is perhaps the best thing that ever happened to me. As I think this, his mother turns in bed. I hug and embrace her tightly for having given me such a good son...fatherhood pays.

Modelling for my son.

"Like father, like son", it is said. I know the father is supposed to be the role model for his son, and I am trying to work out just how to do this. In our society, the male role is a very complex one. Social expectations for a man are many and complicated. To take an example, a man is expected his to be gentle with his woman, yet still be her protector. These are contradicting demands.
I, for one, want my son to rate highly on masculinity. I am bringing him up to be my gene-bearer to the next generation. For him to do that successfully, he has to be highly masculine. Men who are "in touch with their feminine sides" make good darlings to the girls, yet research tells us that on the days when a woman or a girl is most fertile, when she is on heat, she is more likely to seek out men she perceives as highly masculine. To be blunt, I want him to be something of a 'jerk' with the girls. As we all know, bad boys get all the spoils in the game of love. "Gentlemen" and "good boys" do the financing and romancing, but it is the bad boys who get the goodies at their sweetest.
So I endeavor to model masculinity for my son. Even as he lays on his crib now, I tell him positive things about himself. I act confident myself. Confidence counts for a lot in the masculinity scale. No sooner than he starts running around than will I get him into football - another masculinity booster.
As for modeling, I talk to him in my deepest voice, in the hope that he desire to develop one like that - the kind of voice which sweeps a woman off her feet.
I act macho with him. When he cries, I try not to act as if it is too big a deal. Yes, I do want him to deal with his emotions in an healthy way, but I don't want him to be an emotional blob.
I am working out a good role modeling program for my son. I know that being a highly masculine man will bring him much happiness in life. And I am convinced that while a huge part of masculinity is genetic, a similarly large component is socially learnt- and this is where my intervention comes in.

Going Musical.

My son's intellectual development is something that means a lot to me. This is why I have created programs, based on contemporary child psychology, to stimulate his intellect. I am convinced that this is not a vain venture, for we are told that it is very possible to influence a kid's IQ during the first year of development. Having a superior IQ, as I have said before is going to be major basis of reproductive advantage in the future, as the economy becomes even more knowledge based.
It is from such a background that I have introduced my son to music at an early age. I sing, nay, croon to him everyday. I sing to him all kinds of songs, not just 'kiddy' songs. I sing to him songs about the reality of life, for I know that those messages do get recorded somewhere in the subconscious mind. For one thing, I have come to agree with the wise man who observed the most important words in life are not said, they are sang. Anyway, the most important thing for my son and I is the melody in the song, for it has been proved to improve spatial reasoning, the very reasoning used in Mathematics. This gives me motivation, knowing that my son may not have to struggle with his high school algebra, courtesy of my musical trips.
Yes, I know and appreciate that my son may not grow into the academic mold I have made for him, and that is okay too, for at least I will have tried my best to better his destiny. For now, he just smiles as I croon for him. That naughty smile tells me that whatever happens, at least he will leave many a girl's hearts broken, like all good boys. For now, I will sing him the song about the man who went to pick cherries with a torn basket...fathering a boy is so fulfilling.

Talking to my son.

If there is one thing I really want my son to be, it is to be intelligent. I think I am justified in this. If I were living in stone-age, I would want my son to be big to scare away the predators, and kill good prey. This, I know, would have made him a dominant male in the troop, and given him reproductive advantage.
In today's knowledge economy, I tend to notice that reproductive advantage is hinged more on brain-power. I see many good-looking men who are lonely, just because they can't afford love. I see many 'ugly' and 'feeble' man, who by virtue of their brains, have become dominant males. I for one, due to my relatively good memory which earned me relatively good grades, have enjoyed some priviledges in life I wouldn't have otherwise. Money has given me access to women I who would ordinarily given me a wide berth.
Simply put, I want my son to be intelligent. Accordingly, I have put in place some programs to stimulate and develop his intellect, as much as I can. Yes, I know that the genes do come into question here, but from my observation, nurture rather than nature plays a more dominant role in intellectual achievement.
A this stage in life, I talk to my son a lot. Psychologists tells us that kids who are more talked to develop better verbal skills, one of the major aspects of scholarly intelligence.
So I really talk to my son. If only you could hear me, you would think I am going nuts. I tell him what things are called, how stuff works. I tell him what is happening around him. I tell him about myself and his family. He responds with grunts and syllables, or just repeats what I tell him. I know, for sure, that what I tell him goes into his subconscious minds. I don't mind speaking alone. I don't mind his sometimes ignoring me. I don't mind his not knowing what I am talking about. I am just glad to be involved in shaping my son's destiny.

A will for my son.

Let me make a confession. I suffer from fear of death. It has plaqued me all my life, yet I know that death is a reality I will have to face someday. I remember when I was young, and I had to leave the lights on when I slept at night, lest the angel of death pick me in the dark. Come to think of it, doesn't he pick people in light too? Anyway, talking about realistic fear of death, I note that after the birth of my son, I fear death less. I know that even if I died today, this instant, at least I have left a gene-bearer behind. He is a charming son, and I know he will take them to the next generation, at least for his own good.
I wonder too, if I were to write a will, what would I bequeath to my son? My dreams of my making my first million before thirty...well, I don't have much to leave my son, as of now.
I know for sure that I have given him a good brain by average standards. I don't know how much that accounts for. At six months of age, he is alert and uttering some recognisable words.
AS he grows, I hope to bequeath him good self-discipline...oh, ok, so now I have it. I will bequeath my son values which I have observed to be the cornerstones of happiness and success. These, I am convinced, count for more than anything I can materially offer. I will cultivate in my son, as much as I can, self-discipline, self-confidence, courage, curiosity,creativity... you know, that kind of wealth. If I do get some gold and silver for him, well and good. Else, I will have tried, at least.

Taming the Son.

My son is turning into a little monster. From howling all night, to refusing to eat, to pushing chinaware from tables, he is becoming a challenge for his mother and I. We know, of course, that he is not doing this deliberately, yet it really gets to us. I read somewhere that fussy babies grow into fussy people. This has gotten me thinking on what mode and level of discipline to adopt for my son as he grows up. A wise person said that the best gift a parent can give to his child is discipline. Disciplined people turn out happy and successful in life. All self-help books are really all about self discipline. It takes discipline to manifest one's intelligence.
So what mode and level of discipline do I adopt for my son? I don't want to be too lax with him, for I know a harsh world awaits him out there. If I am too lax with him, he will be supersensitive to the harsh realities in life, exposing him to neurosis. On the other hand, I feel if I am too strict with him, he will turn into a zombie or a computer, which while it is very efficient, cannot think for itself. It works only under instructions. This is not what I would want for my son. I want him to be a balanced person, with lots of self-discipline. 'Self' meaning that which comes from within, not from compulsion.

Feeding the son.

My son has a very poor appetite. I wonder if this will translate into low passion in life. For I know for sure that without passion, chances of success in life are few indeed. The people who succeed are the people with the most passion, and the people with passion are also good eaters.
My son's poor appetite has been a source of great concern for his mother. I think that this is because she subconsciously feels that if he doesn't eat well at this stage, he will grow into a man of small stature, and will have a disadvantage in the mating game against 'vital looking' men. In that case then, her genes would have diminished chances of passing onto the next generation, and she has few rolls at the dice.
Since she considers me to be knowledgeable on a vast number of matters, she has voiced her concerns to me, asking for me for advice. I have found myself in a fix, for while I am quite knowledgeable on a number of topics, baby care is quite big for me.
My own fear here is that if my son eats poorly, and thus turns out poorly physically, his mother might be turned off from popping out any more for me. The 'weakling' meanwhile would have low chances at reproducing, and then, where would my lineage come from?

Visualising my son.

Though I am not a new-age adherent, I must confess that I believe in creative visualisation. It is not something I read from a 'guru's' book, or heard at a motivational speaker's seminar. It is something that came to me early in life, which I have lived with all my life, that whenever I really visualise and desire something, it almost always manifests in my life in one way or the other.
After his mother infected me with oxytocin after his birth, my son has become a major concern in my life. As such I find myself visualising for him.
I see him 12 months from now, toddling around the house, calling me 'daddy, daddy', and catching my trouser, you know like a puppy. My heart jumps with pride at the feeling.
I see him five years from now, coming home from play with a question for me. During the play, he just discovered that he is different from Flo, a neighbour's daughter; she lacks something that he has. James wants me, in my wisdom, to explain this discrepancy to him.
I see him at fifteen, for the first time feeling that he is a man of his own, and for the first time openly questioning my authority. I gently assert myself, letting him chart his own path in life, while I provide loving guidance, and some 'tough love' at times.
I see him now at 26, on commencement day, graduating from Stanford university with his Masters degree, and I am there, beaming with fatherly pride for having brought up a son well.
Now I see him at 32, walking his damsel down the aisle. I am called to give the groom's father's speech. I am now an 'old man'. I have mellowed down a lot, and in my speech I spew pure wisdom. He 'comes upon the bride, and they begot a son', the cycle has run full.
I have just seen my son through shrills, drills, thrills and now he is at bills. That is also where I am at now, so I can't see further for him. That is a far as my visualisation is clear...

My five fears about my son.

I have fears about my heir apparent, my 2.0 as it were, as he grows up to be a man of his own:
1. I fear that like me, he will grow tired and run from school. The real fear is that once he goes outside, he may never get back to the school, because of the foundations that I have laid for him, materially at least. In my case I had to go back to campus after deferring my studies for a considerable period because financial strains forced me look back at the reality of life and regain the correct path of life.
2. Fear that he will cause heartache to me. This fear comes from my studies on Karma. I understand that what you do to others, that will be done to you. Now I was such a heartache to my parents that they probably regretted ever having me in the first place. I have atonement through acts of mercy, that my Karma might improve and that my son won't be trouble for me.
3. Fear that my son will be godless, and end up in hell. Okay, I know it sounds simplistic and old-fashioned, but what if those stories the sunday school teacher used to dish out turn out to be true, and there is indeed an heaven and hell? I would hate to be the source of damnation for another soul. I know that growing up in a godless world, my son might just end up godless, and end up in hell, diabolic or otherwise.
4. Fear that my son will turn out sissy. I had a tough upbringing and that brought out the best in me. Yet I doubt if the boy's mother and I can subject the boy to what we went through, after our exposure to 'modern' childrearing. I hope he will turn out fine, even without too much pushing.
5. Fear that my son will be a monster I can't recognise! I know that this sounds crazy and far-drawn, yet it a common fear among parents that I talk to. That the children will grown to be so much of their own beings that they don't recognise themselves in them. Then the questions of why they had them in the first place will arise, for we have kids so that they can carry on our lineages. But with so many influences bombarding them, our heritage may be of little use to them. God forbid, they might become so influenced that they decide to become gay, and then who will carry my genes to the next generation?

The boy's mother.

The boy's mother is another great blessing for me. She makes my life so easy. You see, she is the traditional kind of woman, who accepts motherly and wifely duties with grace and serenity. I think she is one person who has come to terms with life and resolved all her issues. She doesn't fight for equality with me. Neither do I with her. She does involve me in the boy's parenting - but only as far as I am comfortable. She won't push me, even by implication, to change Jame's diapers, and such sort of tasks. She tells me part is to serve as a sort of consultant on stuff like discipline, family finance - you know - higher value tasks and be a worthy role model for the boy. I think this is a most practical arrangement. A man who is so in touch with his so called 'feminine side', in my opinion is a poor role model for a boy. I will concentrate on being a provider. She will concentrate on being a home maker. That is how nature meant it to be. Let us not upset the equilibrium.

Fathering a Son.

My son James was born 6 months ago. James is the pride of my life. I always dreamed of having a son like him. He is the proof my masculinity. That I have enough masculinity to pass on to another man tells me something. In him my genes are almost assured of passing on to the next generation. He is such a charming boy.
I haven't the slightest doubt that James is my biological son. After 6 months, it has become perfectly clear that he takes after me physically, for I have distinct features, physically. And while I don't consider myself socially and spiritually perfect, I feel I have figured out life and how to live it reasonably well. I really aspire for James to take after me in these aspects too - at least until he can figure out his own way in life. I know this is a challenging task. And I don't fool myself that I have to be successful. Children can disappoint parents, I know. Yet I will do my best.
In this blog, I go through the paces as I try to bring up a son the best way I can, as a first time dad.